achieving perfection
by Twinkle.Twinkel
Summary: this is a personal fic warnings in side for content hilary wants to be perfect, but how far will she go to get it and what happens when she realises that she cant. this is my story.slight kaihill COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone me and bob are back with another new story!

Bob: NOOO! She's back!

Tear: (throws another boot at bob's head) let the story begin! Oh and I do not own beyblade 'coz if I did I would make Ming-Ming suffer! Mwahahahahahah!

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**Please note this is a personal fic and parts are exaggerated. This fic also contains cutting, attempted suicide, anorexia and hints at bulimia. If you do not like this type of fic please do not read, this is in your own best interest. **

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

(Just so you know this is where the story starts)

Tear's POV

What is perfection? It's a funny thing; I has a different meaning to every one. So what is my interpretation of perfection? Well mine is to become what everyone wants to see…. You know skinny, smart but not too smart, pretty, dose what she's told to please everyone around her and tells people what they most want to hear, saying it with a smile on her face and look's happy and '_prefect'_ at all times. So **what's your definition of perfection?**, Just take a moment and think about it. I did. Do you want to know what I found out? Well I found out that there is no such thing a '_perfection'. _It's something that is unattainable. All we can do is be our-self's and no one can expect more. But I found that out a little too late. I found out after I did something that I've regretted everyday since I did it. Here is my story….

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Hilary's POV

_Ring!_

_Ring!_

I sighed in relive at the thought of school being over at last. We (me, Tyson and Kenny) were sitting in Tyson's favourite class, by which I mean the only class he doesn't fall asleep, food technology. I walked out of there as fast as I can out of that horrible class room and waited out side for Tyson and Kenny, they both appeared after a few minuets, Kenny greeted me with a smile.

"Hey. Hilary why did you run out of the class so fast?" Kenny asked confusedly

"Pher" (translation: yeah) Tyson said while he continued to stuff his face with the muffins he made and Kenny made in class (AN: there are so many people in my class that they had to split it in to two separate groups for safety reasons. Hilary is in group B and Tyson and Kenny are in group A.).

Just looking at those delicious chocolate covered balls of hate made me sick to my stomach! I gave them a confused look

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean, what do I mean! You ran out of there so fast you almost broke the cities speeding limit!" Tyson yelled after downing his share of cakes.

"No I didn't! Anyway we better get going before kai makes you run laps again because were late" with that they carried on down the hall way to the exit.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Normal POV

At the dojo 

Hilary was sitting in the back porch (AN: I don't know what it is called but it's the flour that you usually see them sitting in the anime) next to Kenny, looking a little pale, while holding on to her stomach trying in vain to get it to shut- up. Luckily Kenny was sitting far enough a way and concentrating too hard to notice the strange noises coming from the girl. Tyson were at one of the beydishes battling and trash talking, max and daichi were doing the same, but kai on the other hand was leaning against one of the sides of the house with his eyes closed but every so often would steal a glance at hilary.

Kai's POV

I wonder what's wrong with hilary? She looks so pale….. fragile even at the moment, Urgh! Why do I even care! It's not like I have feelings for her or something! My eyes widened in realisation. But what if I do have feelings for her? No! I can't have feelings for her! My abbey training forbids it... but if I do then it would explain a lot.

Like why I get so annoyed when she, Kenny and the black hole are late coming here from school late and make Tyson run 50 extra laps, because there's know doubt in my mind that it's tyson's fault! Even if I do these know way I'm ever going to tell her or anyone else for that matter!

Normal POV

Max and daichi's beyblade's landed out of the dishes snapping kai out of his train of thoughts.

"Okay practice is over everyone!" kai shouted a little agitated or reasons unknown to the rest of the team. Hilary hadn't heard what kai said and was still sitting in the same position; clutching her stomach and staring at the flour. she was snapped out of her thoughts by a hand being placed on her shoulder, she jumped at the sudden contact and turned around to see who it was.

When she turned around she saw max with a big huge smile on his lips, but it soon faded a way when he looked at her face. Hilary saw this action and asked

"What's wrong max?"

"Kai said practice is over…. Are you ok?"

"Of course max why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, I just look pale is all"

"I'm ok max, don't worry about me" hilary said and forced a smile. Max saw the smile and smiled back. Max stud up then helped Hilary up and they walked in to the living room together.

10 minutes later 

"hilary would you make us something to eat!" whined Tyson

"yeah were hungry!" joined daichi

"then why don't you have ray do it?"

"Because one he's passed out on the flour and two we want your cooking!" daichi demanded.

Hilary looked a little uneasy then sighed.

"Alright then" and got up and left for the kitchen.

30 minuets later

Everyone was sitting around the table (except hilary) eating the meal hilary made for them. Hilary walked past and said

"Guy's I'm leaving now I have to get home before dark" the guys either looked up and said bye (ray and max) or just mumbled something and returned to what they were doing

(Tyson and daichi and Kenny), she smiled and left.

She was almost at the exit when some one placed a hand on her shoulder

" are you not coming in to eat? Aren't you hungry?" said a cold voice. She turned around to see kai, his voice sounded cold but you could tell by his face that he was trying to be kind.

Hilary just smiled

"No, I'm getting something from home"

"Hn" kai grunted suspiciously And with that se left and him standing all alone.

Kais POV

Hn, I'm going to have to keep an eye on her, I'm starting to worry about her. I stud there thinking for a few more moments and decided to go back inside and sleep. (AN: it about 9:00 pm).

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Hilary's house 

Normal POV 

Hilary walked in the door and announced her presence, she walked in to the living room o find her mother and two younger brothers.

"here' dad?" I asked uncaringly knowing the answer

"he's at work, how was your da-" she was interrupted by the sound's of swearing and fighting coming from her brothers after she split them up and calmed her youngest brother down, she turned to hilary again and opened her mouth to speak when the phone rang and she left the room.

Hilary was left with her two brothers in the living room. They started fighting and yelling again. There mother yelled for them to shut-up.

"yeah hilary shut-up"

"be quite Paul" she retorted

"not for a stupid ugly cow like you!" he said

" yeah! Have you seen how fat she is! I'm surprised she even fits through the door!" Agreed the other, while pocking her in the stomach and making various fat jokes about her. Hilary had all she could take from her brothers and left for her room. But a hand grabbed hold of her upper arm and stopped her from leaving she turned around to see who it was.

"hilary your fat! And there's nothing you can do about it! So stop trying to run away and deny it! You're a fat ugly bitch and no one loves you! Or will ever love you until you lose a few pounds!" Andy said with a sneer

"don't you mean a l_ot_ of pounds!" interjected Paul

hilary just stared at her younger brothers with pure hatred, turned and left the room with a sour look on her face. She walked past her mom and her mom saw the look.

"hil dear what's wrong?" at that moment Andy walked in the room.

"Well P-"

"Not know hilary I'm talking to your brother" her mother cut her off and started talking to her brother. Hilary's face dropped into a frown.

"Right" Hilary sighed in defeat, but know one seemed to hear what she said or that she was even in the room. She sighed again and still no body noticed her. Her mother was too busy complementing her brother on how he had been a good boy today, even though he had been fighting in school and had been sent home early because of bad behaviour. She turned and left the room and that people she hated most yet could not leave.

Hilary's room

Hilary flopped down on her bed and sighed in exhaustion. She had been so tired lately, but she didn't know why. she rested her head on her pillow, letting the rest of her body fall where it may and ex-hailed deeply in content. And fell asleep.

1hour and 30 min later

hilary was awoken by the sound of her mother yelling up the stairs.

"hilary what do you want for dinner!" hilary left her room at stood at the top of the stairs so her mother could hear her better.

"I'm not hungry mom I ate at tyson's!" I yelled down the stairs.

"okay!" she yelled back but by then I wasn't listening. I walked back in to my room, and lay on my bed again.

I bet your probably wondering why I did that, well it all started a few week's ago.

xX flash back Xx

Hilary, Paul and Andy were sitting in the living room, while there mom was in the backyard smocking and talking on the phone. Hilary was sitting in the arm chair while her brothers were on the coach Paul playing with Andy's phone and Andy playing with his game boy.

"Wow! You've got a picture of Daniel! She's so hot, the perfect woman!" Paul said in amazement. His eyes scanning over the phone screen care full not to miss a millimetre of picture unseen. Andy just smirked at his reaction.

"I don't understand, what is so great about her anyway?" hilary said coldly "what dose she have that I don't?" hilary added bitterly. She heard Paul and Andy snort.

"well for one thing, she is smart not stupid like you" Paul said

"she's skinny, not a fat cow like you" Andy said

"she's beautiful, not ugly like you" Paul said

"and she dose not look like a barn yard animal, unlike you who look's like a cow. Just to list few." After Andy finished this statement he and Paul broke in to fits of uncontrollable laughter. When they finally regained there composer Paul made his final statement.

"and I'll repeat again the most important fact again; SHE'S NOT FAT!" and with that the two left the room, again in fits of laughter at the memory.

xX flash back end Xx

And that brings us to why I'm lying to my friends and family. Why I'm skipping dinner I tell my friends that I'm going home for dinner and my mom that I'm going out with my friends, but I really going to the park to read a book to keep my mind off the hunger pains. Why I tell Tyson and the guys that I'm getting tea at home and my mom that I've had tea at tyson's.

There (my brothers) words don't hurt me anymore, they can't hurt me anymore. They don't hurt me because I'm numb, I don't fell anything at all anymore. And the simple fact that there true. I am fat. I've heard what people say about me. Most only faze me a little, but that one hurt a lot, in fact it was the thing that pushed me in to what I am doing now (along with he brothers of course).

xX flash back Xx

hilary was walking back to her class room after forgetting her bag when she walked past a class and heard people talking, two girls to be exact. Now Hilary was never one to eavesdrop, but she heard her name being mentioned and got curious.

"hey, you know that hilary girl?" one girl said

"yeah, miss loud mouth that hangs around with the beybrakers?" the other answered

"yeah that one."

"OMFG I can't stand that bitch!"

"yeah I know! Who dose she think she is! Yelling at people like that! Hey have you noticed that when she shout's she sounds like a cackling witch?" the other laughed hysterically at the statement.

"yeah you right! And she has the noise to prove it!" the started to laugh again.

"and what's with those clothes she wears? Those baggy pants? Whats she trying to hide? Fat legs or something?"

"you think her legs are fat?"

"yeah I bet! I mean why wouldn't her legs be fat! The rest of her is!" a new voice entered the convocation. Hilary gasped quietly, she recognised the voice, it belonged to her supposed 'best friend'. She looked in the class room to she them all laughing and calling her every name under the sun.

hilary couldn't take any more, she grabbed her bag and ran out of the school.

xX end of flash back Xx

I'm in the bathroom connected to my room now just thinking about my life and how pathetic I am. You want to know something funny I like this guy but I bet he will never notice me. I'm not pretty enough. He's always around all these gorgeous fan girls all the time, he'd never notice me, im just the fat ugly unwanted team mascot only there for amusement. I pull up one on the lose tiles and then reach in side a broken flour board. I rack around for a while until I found what I was looking for.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

tear: well how was it? Yeah I know it was long, boring and seemed like it dragged on forever . if you want me to continue please tell me. I will probably make it ehier a two or a three-shot it depends on how long the chapters are. Well anyway this is me done and bob you've been good through out the story so you get a treat! Helium!

Bob: (throws confetti in the air and blows a whistle) Yaaaaay!

Tear: read and review please!


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everyone, here's the next chapter. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! To the reviews who I could not reply to I'll reply now:

Firecat: thanks for the review, I've updated! well obviously.

Advent-star: thanks for the review, yes hilary is on a diet and yes I did do what she is doing, but I'm okay now.

And also thanks to:

Death-fire-angel

Kirdari and

Hiromi77

And know on with the story…..

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

last time

I pull up one on the lose tiles and then reach in side a broken flour board. I rack around for a while until I found what I was looking for.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Hilary's POV Continued 

I pulled out a beautifully refurnished wooden box, and carefully placed in on the tile on my right hand side and put the flour board and tile back in there places. I sit on the side of the bath and stare at the mirror in distaste. I hate my reflection. I'm so ugly. What the hell are champions like the Bladebrakers hanging around with a girl like me? There the most famous and handsome celebrities around they could have anyone on there team, so why and ugly fat idiot like me?

I could feel sadness and self-hatred well up inside of me. I tore my eyes from the mirror and looked at the finely crafted box I had balanced on the edge of the bath next to me. I carefully and slowly opened the lid slowly. The inside had soft royal purple velvet attached to the sides. Placed in the middle of the cushiony velvet was a silver blade (as in knife). She picked up the knife and inspected it distantly.

She pulled down her sleeve to revel long slightly faded white scars randomly placed along her lower arm. She brought it to her arm and let it hover, as if debating wither to do it or not, when every thing her brothers and everyone else had said came in to her mind as if screaming to her 'DO IT! DO IT!'. She placed the knife on her pale skin, just below her elbow, and pressed down on the awaiting flesh.

Hilary was know slumped down on the flour with her back pressed against the bath tub just watching the crimson trickle out of the open wound. She started to thing about her past and all the stupid mistakes and comments that were true in her books, but were also hurtful. Anger bubbled up again. She raised the blade and made another, farley deep cut but not deep enough to do any real damage, she raised the knife again and again until there was 6 randomly placed wounds placed on her left arm.

Hilary watched the blood fall form the wounds and fall like crimson tears and splashed on to the tile. She followed the tears to the puddle of sorrow that expand on the flour as a reflection of her inner most feelings.

Hilary's POV

Drowning. That's what I feel. I'm drowning in a sea of self hatred and depression, but nobody knows it but me, and that's the was its going to stay. Those were her last thoughts before unconsciousness over came flooding in and darkness suffocated her.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

With the Bladebrakers

At the dojo 

Tyson and daichi were demolishing the last of the food hilary cooked and put in the fridge for later. Kenny was in the training room, along with ray, max and kai, still working on his laptop. Max and ray were polishing there beyblade's and kai was leaning against the wall of the dojo thinking.

Kai's POV

I wonder what's wrong with hilary, I hope she isn't doing anything stupid. Maybe I should go and see her, just to make sure she's okay. Nah hilary's smart, she knows better than that. But I really don't believe what she said earlier, she always eats at the dojo. But ever since a few weeks ago she's been 'getting something from home' instead of here, she's really pale too. She can't even stay awake during most practices lately either and she's lost weight dramatically. (gasp) what if she's-

Normal POV

Kai was cut off when he saw ray coming up to him.

"Kai? Are you ok?" ray asked in a quiet tone so only he and kai could hear it.

"Hn, I'm fine ray" kai said in a monotone voice

"no your not" ray stated. Kai looked a little taken aback, but as soon as it appeared it disappeared. Ray saw this and grabbed kais wrist, dragging him out side away from the others.

"I know you were thinking about hilary" ray said

"no I wasn't" kai denied

"yes you were so stop lying. I was just thinking about her to…." Ray trailed off deep in thought. Kai became a little angry at the thought of one of his friends thinking about hilary.

"and what were you thinking about?" kai asked, his voice dripping with suspicion. Ray sighed and sat down on the flour. Kai did the same and ray started to explain

"well I've been really worried about her, she hasn't been her-self lately and I know you have noticed it too and that she hasn't been eating here anymore." Ray paused for a reaction from kai. kai nodded in agreement.

"She looks so pale lately, she's always tired and she has lost weight dramatically too (sigh) I'm afraid that she may do something stupid and I feel so bad for not seeing it before and not doing anything about it! " ray ended and looked at kai for any sign of reaction, and he got his wish. Kai looked slightly worried but that the same time his face held a hint of triumph at the fact his suspicions were correct.

"ray, there is nothing we can do, this is something that only hilary, herself, can overcome. All we can do is keep an eye on her for now and when the time comes we can confront her about it." Kai said and stared distantly into the back garden.

Ray sighed " yeah I guess your right but I still feel bad." He said in a sulky tone and he and kai walked back in to the dojo to get some sleep.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

okay I'm going to stop there and I know it was short but I promise that I will update soon! R&R please!

Tear-drowned-angel XXX


	3. Chapter 3

Hey sorry it took so long to update, I guess I've been busy…. Well anyway here it is enjoy! And thanks for all your reviews! Your support means a lot! Yeah I know I have low self-esteem .

Bob: it's about time!

Tear: aww just shut-up and enjoy the chapter!

Bob: (sulks in the corner)

Tear: (dose a cheesy anime triumph pose with goofy grin) but one more thing first.

This is to some one (you know who you are) I fully understand and respect your wishes to not sign in, and thank you for your review and support. If you want I would love for you to email me if you ever need to talk to some one because I know what you are going through and I would like to talk to some one too but have yet to find anyone in my situation. And I am so relived that you have help, **please **help you! I know I sound like a hypocrite but its for the best, and please count blessings your parent ceared enough to notice.

Okay on with the story……..

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

_Last time_

"ray, there is nothing we can do, this is something that only hilary, herself, can overcome. All we can do is keep an eye on her for now and when the time comes we can confront her about it." Kai said and stared distantly into the back garden.

Ray sighed "yeah I guess your right but I still feel bad." He said in a sulky tone and he and kai walked back in to the dojo to get some sleep.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Hilary's house (Hilary POV)

I was woken up by the streams of light blearing through the small window.

"Urgh stupid sun! it represents every thing I hate about the world!" i said in a disgusted tone to my self. And dazedly looked around to find out where i was. I noticed I was in the bathroom, wondering why I was waking up in the bathroom, she got lost in thought until a throbbing pain in my left arm brought me back to reality.

"ahhh! Oh shit I forgot!" i hissed in pain. i uneasily pulled my self to my feet slowly and leaned against the side of the bath for support until the dizziness wore off. Finally deciding that i was ready to move, I pushed my self gently off the edge of the tub and walked over to the sink and reached into the cabinet above and pulled out a box of antiseptic and bandages, i knew were there i used to use them for my brothers when they got hurt and my (hilary included) mother was too busy on the phone smoking and are father was at work, to clean up and bandage (oh and just so you know Paul is 13 and Andy is 12 and hilary is 14).

After i cleaned my self up but didn't bother with the bandages and decided to get dressed and go to the dojo since it was Saturday after all. I went in to my bed room and got dressed. i wore black dress trousers and a long sleeved deep red sleeveless top (its just too hot to wear long sleeves!) with a long black arm warmer on her left arm and a pair of trainers. my brothers and mother were still a sleep, much to my relief so i left the house un disturbed.

The dojo (normal POV)

Hilary arrived at the dojo to find everyone awake and training. She walked in to the dojo to be greeted by grandpa granger.

"Hey what's up budette?"

"Hey grandpa, nothing much, what about you?" hilary asked politely

"nothing much happening here either, my little home dog and his peeps are around back"

"Kay thanks grandpa!" I called as I made my way around the back.

Tyson was battling daichi, ray was battling kai and max was sitting eating sugar while pocking Kenny and asking what he was doing. Hilary sighed and made her way over to sit next to Kenny and save him from Max's torture and bruises.

"hey hilary!" max yelled, more like screamed, to hilary as she sat down. Kenny mumbled something inaudible which she guessed was something like 'hey'.

About 8 hours later

Every one was relaxing after practice; they had to cut it short because of the rain. Tyson, daichi and max were in the living room, Kenny was in the kitchen to get some peace and quiet from Tyson and daichi, she didn't know where ray and kai were though. Hilary was sitting in the same place as she was when she came earlier that morning. She loved watching the rain; it always seemed to calm her. She heard her stomach grumble. She threw her arm across ther waist in a vain attempt to some how muffle the cries for food it made. When that didn't help she just gave her stomach a whack and it stopped, for know anyway.

"thank god! I thought it would never stop! Well at leased know one herd them, (sigh) im soo hungry! What! No! no I'm not! food Is bad!" hilary argued with her self quietly thinking that no one could hear her, but oh how wrong she was. If she was really paying attention to what was going on around her she would have noticed the person standing behind her. The person was kai.

kai's POV

I walked in to the dojo to find Hilary sitting there watching the rain and talking to her self. I couldn't hear what she was saying so I moved closer. I could hear her saying how hungry she was and how food was 'bad'. What dose she mean by that anyway? Is that why she's so pale? Is she starving her self? I have to find out. What if she's doing something stupid, if she is and I didn't do anything about it I would never forgive my self.

Normal POV

Kai walked up to Hilary, and placed a hand on her shoulder, which in tern made her jump at the unexpected touch. Hilary stood up at looked kai in the eye.

"Kai? What's wrong?"

"I should be asking you that question" he stated flatly

"Nothing is going on, why would you think any thing was wrong?" hilary asked a little confused by his sudden show of emotion, well kinda anyway.

"don't lie to me hilary, I want to know what's going on" his voice raising just enough for the others to hear and were now out side the door trying to find out what was going on.

"im not lying to you nothing is going on" hilary said as stubbornly as possible but was left some what exhausted by the lack off food.

"yes you are!" kai shouted "I herd you talking! And I want answers!" hilary looked shocked by what he just said and mentally kicked her self for being so reckless. Hilary was about to deny everything when kai cut her off.

"and another thing what did you mean by and I quote 'im soo hungry! What! No! No I'm not! Food is bad!'" Hilary couldn't say anything, what could she say? "I want answers Hilary! And know!"

By this time there voices were so loud, well kais voice was so loud, that they had caught hiro and grandpa's attention too and was out side listening with the others.

"What are they talking about?" max asked to no one In particular

"I don't know" Tyson answered "but I have a feeling were going to find out"

"Well I know" ray stated. Every one turned there attention to the long haired blader "kai and I talked about this yesterday, we think something's wrong with hilary." This was answered with questioning expressions. Ray sighed and continued

"Haven't any of you noticed that she's been so pale lately? And that every time we asked to join us for dinner she's always either already eaten or is eating at home?" he paused and looked at the expressions of his listeners. Some expressions were horrified expressions, which meant that they had understood what ray had just said, (grandpa, hiro, max and Kenny) and others were still confused (Tyson and daichi)

"What do you mean?" Tyson and daichi asked at the same time Kenny sighed

"What ray means is Hilary has been starving her self" Kenny said a little annoyed at there stupidity. Tyson and daichi's expressions changed to match the rest of the boy's and men's expressions.

"Answer me!" kai yelled regaining the listener's attention once again.

"Kai…… you could never understand……" she chocked out while trying to fight back tears. She turned to leave but kais quick reflexes kicked in (excuse the pun) and grabbed Hilary's wrist. But unfortunately for Hilary it was her left.

she hissed in pain and immediately tried to pull it out of kais grip. But that only made kai tighten his grip, causing more pain and hilary decided to give up.

Kai looked a little puzzled at this action, but didn't let his guard down. When she finally gave up he relaxed his hold a little. He gently slid his hand from her wrist and took hold of her palm while bringing the other up to pull up her sleeve.

Kai was horrified at what he saw 6 deep slashes along her arm. He trailed his finger lightly along the side one of one cut and inspected them carefully. When he finally tore his gaze away from them he saw hilary looking at the flour ashamedly.

"why…" was all he managed to say "why would you do these things? Why would you need to?" but this question only got a bitter laugh in response.

"why would I not need to? Look at me" she cried in a matter-of –factly tone and looked kai straight in the eyes with a glare that could rival his death glare. Her eyes were bone chillingly cold, and were only made worse by the skink bony face.

Kai winced inwardly at the sight but wouldn't let her know that.

"I'm waiting kai" she said in an annoyed and impatient tone.

"because you don't need to" he stated

"oh look who's lying now!" hilary said bitterly

"I'm not lying hilary, why did you do it?" he said in a pleading voice

" the truth?" she said after a long pause. Kai nodded and she continued "I want to be perfect" she said in a quite whisper

"but hilary you are perfect" and said in a gentle voice. Hilary snapped.

"SEE THERE YOU GO AGAIN! STOP LYING TO ME! IM NOT PERFECT! IM FAR FROM IT! LOOK AT ME! IM FAT IM UGLY AND EVERYONE HATES ME! SO DON'T TRY TO DENY IT!" Hilary finished this statement out of breath and completely exhausted. She looked up to see kai wide eyed at what she had just said. But regained his composer and they were locked in a glaring match. It lasted for a few minutes until Hilary's eyes rolled to the back of her head and she passed out on the flour.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000


	4. Chapter 4

Hey everyone its me tear-drowned-angel! Along with my friend bob! I think my internet is fixed now! Yeah! (does s cheesy pokemon move)

Bob: oh good god she's back!

Tear: what as that? You sorry excuse to the name bob!

Bob: (put hand of chest in hurt) you know that was mean!

Tear: what ever lets get on with the story

Bob: tear drowned angel dose not own beyblade or any of it characters. She also what's to thank you for all of you reviews!

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Ray rolled out one of the functions and kai lay her down. She looked so peaceful. kai brushed the stray ends out of her face and slid his fingers down her cheek. Ray retuned with a cloth and bowl of water and sat down on the other side of her.

"Why…" he whispered to her "why did you do it? Why would you do it" ray asked chocking back the tears that were welling up at the lining of is eyes. Tyson came up behind him and placed a comforting hand on rays shoulder

"don't worry ray she'll be ok" Tyson said in a soft tone.

"yeah" max said from other side.

Kenny was next to kai too shocked to speak, they all just watched her sleep consumed in there own thoughts on today's events, hiro was calling hilary's parents to tell them the hilary was staying the night and grandpa was making them something to eat.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

hilary woke up as sun rays glistened through the small windows of the dojo. She sat up and noticed that there was something, or should I say something's, heavy on her bed she looked down to see all her friends around her. They had all fallen asleep, completely exhausted from yesterday. She winced at the memories. She felt something move next to her and a hand covered her mouth.

"shh come on" kai whispered as he walked to the door

"okay I want to know what's going on and I want to know now" kai demanded as soon as they were in the living room, out of ear shot of the others.

Hilary stood there too shocked to say anything, instead she stood there staring at the flour in shame then looked up into his eyes, but a big happy smile on her face "nothings wrong kai, why would anything be wrong?" she asked sweetly.

Kai examined her face as if debating whether to belive her or not. _'I know its just an act but ill believe her for know. Ill just keep an eye on her.'_ Kai thought to himself and sighed. He 'hn'ed and walked away.

As soon he was out of sight hilary's smile dropped in to a depressing frown, thinking about what happened _' hilary your so stupid! How could you do that! There all right! Your pathetic! I promise. I promise it will never I repeat NEVER let that happen again! People think your crazy, stupid and pathetic enough as it is'_ hilary though determinately yet sadly to her self. Plastered the smile back on her face and went home.

Hilary's house

Hilary walked in to her house an closed the door behind her. She walked swiftly past the dinning room, sneaking a glance in side and saw hr mom on the phone _'figures'_ she thought and mentally sighed. She walked past the living room, only to be no so nicely greeted by her brothers.

"hey, HEY, wide load, where ya been?" paul asked while smirking.

"yeah I never thought I'd ever be saying this but I was up moms bedroom with the binoculars and I couldn't see you anywhere!" andy said while sniggering

"uh shut up paul! And andy stop sniggering or ill make sure no sound will ever be able to come out of your mouth!"

"ohh is that a threat? Heh your to week to do anything! And even if you did your fat would get in the way!" andy sneered as paul grabbed her by her shirt collar and slammed her against the wall. He andy punched her across the face then paul kneed her in the stomach and let go off her wrists. She slumped against the wall while coughing blood while they walked away laughing.

She stayed there for a few moments making sure she was not going to cough up anymore blood on to her shirt, she stood up and walked to her bed room and changed and cried her self to sleep.

2 hours later

hilary woke up and went downstairs to get a glass of water, she saw her mother on the phone _'big shocker there!'_ she tough sarcastically to her self, she walked in to the kitchen and poured water in to a glass when she heard the back door open and her father walk in.

"hi hilary" he said in a cheerful tone

"hi dad" hilary said in a fake almost a cheerful tone

"why do you have a red mark on ya cheek?" he asked while he counted the wad of notes in his hand.

"I slept at tyson's last night and when I came in paul and andy started calling me names and andy punched me and paul kneed me in the stomach" she explained

"that's nice sweetheart" he answered in a board tone of voice and walked in to the living room. While hilary just stood there, sighed and walked up to her room again.


	5. Chapter 5

Im sooo sorry for not updating! Ive been obsessed with playing Casper the friendly ghost for ps1! I found it when I was cleaning up and decided to complete it again for the millionth time! Blame the ps2 for its evil addictive ways! Well anyway on with the chapter!

Bob: tear-drowned-angel dose not own beyblade or any of its characters

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

it was 6:30 in the morning;

_be beep_

_be beep_

_be beep_

"Urgh" hilary moaned as she dragged her self out of bed over to her bathroom. She jumped in the shower and got dressed for school.

1 hour and 30 min later

"hey fat ass! Get up! You lazy bitch!" she heard andy yell up the stairs. But she just ignored it and went over to the dresser to inspect her face. And there it was; a huge bruise on the left side of her face. _'It doesn't look too bad. Some concealer should cover it up'_. She thought to her self while raking threw the top draw. Pulling out a dark blue tube with a pale skin coloured bottom she applied the almost white makeup over the bruise wincing every so often.

When she was finished she picked up her bag and left the house. She walked to the bus stop and met up with Kenny, and to her surprise Tyson!

"wow Tyson to what do we owe the pleaser?" hilary mocked while smirking as Tyson 'humph'ed and turned his head to the side.

At school

Hilary, Tyson and Kenny walked in to there class and took there seats ready to start the lesson well Kenny and hilary were anyway Tyson was already asleep. The bell rang signalling the end on second period and the beginning of lunch.

At the sound of the bell Tyson sprang out of his chair and ran out the door, Kenny ran you after him. Hilary slowly lifted her skeleton like body out of her chair and started to put her books in her bag one by one and lazly walking out of the class room.

"hey hilary! Are you going to eat with us?" Kenny asked, well, yelled down the corridor.

When hilary heard this she immediately straitened up and plastered a huge cheesy smile on her face

"no im eating at home to day! My mom said she's making me a huge lunch today!" she said in a voice so cheery it could even put tigger to shame.

"okay" he replied

Making sure he was completely gone, hilary let out an exhausted sigh and rested her back against the nearest wall. With another sigh she pushed her self off the wall and headed out of the school gates.

She walked down beachwood terrace (AN: just so you know these are real places and the places I go on a lunch time) and stopped when she came to a church. She walked around the corner and sat on the wall on the church. She pulled out a book and began to read.

She heard her stomach growl and she looked down a her stomach with a sad expression.

"im sorry." She mumbled sadly and began to read her book again. '_im not going to eat! Im fat enough all ready! I hate my self! Why do I have to be so pathetic! I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, IHATE YOU! Why cant I just die! Every one would be better off if I just disappeared. But im so pathetic I cant even do that! Im too scared to do away with my self! Im so selfish and worthless I cant even kill my self!' _hilary thought to her self.

There wasn't even a single tear to express her sadness. She didn't fell anything at all anymore. She was numb. She couldn't fell any other emotions only pain and sadness. She gave a heavy sigh, put away her book and when for a walk.

She walked down the street past burn park (it isn't really a park it was only a little stream with a lot of trees and bushes and a place where all the chaves and druggies go when the want to hide from the police, with a path that goes threw to the other side of the road (it's a island in the middle of a busy road)) and walked past some alleyways, down past ken's.

She walked down chester road and walked past the housing estate. The street was deserted so hilary decided to relax a little she still kept her very slow pace but let her smile drop in to a frown. She kept on walking, if you could call it walking that is, anyway until she walked past a side street and some one jumped on her and grabbed her by the hair and pulled her in to the side street.

Once there the person, still had hold of her hair, and pushed her down to the flour. They let go of her hair only to grab it again, getting a better hold, and forcing her to face them. Hilary wasn't surprised to see it was a girl, well she may be a girl you cant tell with her, she had ginger hair but she had put lots of bright blonde highlights in to make it look blonde but was doing a poor job of it and a huge forehead littered with zits. It was Nicole a girl from her class.

"looker wa we ave ere" she shouted in a thick chaver accent. Hilary just looked at the ground. Nicole gave her a few slaps across her face and ganked hilary's hair so she was facing her. Nicole smirked.

"your so ugly. I would beat you up but it would be an improvement" she gave hilary one last slap and left.

Hilary just stayed there on the ground for a little while. After a few moments she decided to tidy her hair and picked her self off the ground.

See. She didn't fell anything. She felt nothing but a tinge of pain in her heart. She had hit rock bottom, and there was nobody there to catch her.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

I know it was short but I will update soon R&R please!


	6. Chapter 6

OMG! I am soooo sorry for not updating sooner! I guess I got side tracked….. Well anyway here it is a new chapter!

Bob: tear-drowned-angel dose not own beyblade or any of its characters if she did she would die Ming- Ming's hair blond so she has a reason to be dumb (no offence to any blond people seriously I have friends who are blonde and waaaay smarter than me!)

Tear: he he good one bob!

I would like to thank angel of suicide and kaisgirl510 for there reviews and I am also dedicating this chapter to them both! Thanks for reading!

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

she walked in to school and stood with her friends; (not Kenny and Tyson, they were off some where else) steph, Laura, lizzie, josh, kj and Laura –h-. They were talking about people, namely each other; in two groups with some other friends not too far away form each other but out of hearing range.

"Urgh! Steph's really getting on my nerves! All she thinks about is her hair and- oh hiya Hilary" laura –h- said as hilary walked up to them.

"hi" hilary said in a monotone voice after a chorus oh 'hi' s every one else came over to form one big group of hilary's 'friends'.

"hiya fatty lass!" steph said in an excited and happy voice

"yeah hiya fat fin" laura said in a joking way after steph and everyone started laughing

"Vous regard un cheval" hilary counted in a fake cheerful tone

"what dose that mean?" laura asked confusedly

"you look like a horse!" hilary said while running a way with laura chasing after her and the rest of the group laughing even harder.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

After school

Hilary walked home at a slow place with her feet dragging along the ground and her eyes glued to the cracks in the pavement. She was going home to change before she met up with the guys at the dojo.

When she finally arrived home she slipped her key in the lock and walked in. no doubt that andy was out some were causing trouble and paul was in is room playing on his playstation 2.

She walked up stairs to her room and dropped her blazer on the flour with a _thud. _She walked over to her dresser and picked out some clothes and brought them over to her bed and lay them on top of the cover. She undressed until she was left with only her underwear (tear: yeah I know it sounds perverted) and stood in font of her mirror.

She turned to the side and then to the other side then to the front again, inspecting every inch of her body. She had lost a considerable amount of weight in the past few months but in hilary's eyes it wasn't enough. She still thought she was fat.

After staring at the mirror with eyes that were full of hatred yet dead and lifeless at the same time, she finally tore her gaze away from the mirror, mumbling words of hatred at the reflection, and finished getting dressed and left for tyson's dojo.

At the dojo

Hilary arrived at the dojo to be greeted by a lot and I mean a lot of people (all the teams: majestics, BBA revolution, all stars, white tigers, barthez bratalion, f dynasty, blitzkrieg boys, saint shields, physics and any other team I forgot to mention sorry if I miss spelled any)

"hey everyone" hilary said weakly

"hey" "hi" "hiya" "hn" came from the group gathered in the training room. Daichi came running up behind her and talked her into a hug clinging on to her waist.

"YEY! Hilary is back!" he chanted over and over again as he clung to her he then paused and after a few minutes "im hungry". Everyone except the Bladebrakers and blitzkrieg boys did an anime fall while the Bladebrakers, excluding kai who had disappeared somewhere, just sweat dropped.

Kai head the racket coming from the training room and went to find out what it was. He walked in to find everyone except the b boys and Bladebrakers passed out on the flour anime style. He then looked around the room to find the cause.

Kais POV

I looked around and there I saw her. I hadn't seen her in at least a fortnight and she has lost even more weight than before. She was deathly pale with large purple bags under her eyes. Her clothes that used to fit her perfectly were now hanging off of her body and her pants had to be held up by a belt.

How could the others (except ray) not notice this? Its so obvious! She looks like a skeleton! I don't think I can sit back and let this play out for much longer. Don't she realise that she's slowly killing her self? (sigh) I'll talk to her later about it. But first I have to dispose of monkey boy, how dare he do that to her lucky baka!

Normal POV

Kai sighed and walked over to Hilary and daichi, by this time everyone had recovered and was watching intently not knowing what kai was going to do next.

Kai had saw Hilary struggling to get daichi off of her, no scratch that she was struggling to stay standing up with the extra weight, so he decided to help her. He walked over to them (daichi and Hilary) and grabbed hold of daichi's collar and pried him off of her then setting him down on the flour.

Daichi not knowing what was happening didn't move or resist, and when he felt solid flour under him he blinked a few times then looked up to see a very pissed kai towering down on him with his eyes glowing with a burning fire of hatred.

"Break's over. Go run laps. Now the 4 of you." Kai stated is a slow and dangerously low voice. Daichi made no hesitation and scrambled to his feet while the rest of the Bladebrakers did the same. The other teams decided to train as well, after all there was a tournament coming up in a couple of month.

They all headed to the door but daichi turned around and clung to her legs again, which made kai growl and anger lines popped out all over his head.

"Please! Hilary pleases!" daichi begged more like whined to Hilary. She slowly looked down to daichi with hollow eyes.

"Please what?" she asked quietly

"Please make us a huge dinner! With-" but daichi was cut off when an equally whiney Tyson grabbed her by the other leg and started begging to, which made kai even angrier and more anger lines appeared bringing friends with them this time.

"Yeah with hamburgers and pizza and-" Tyson went on and on with daichi adding things in every once in a while but Hilary droned them out. She was too busy concentrating on forgetting the hunger she felt but these baka's were making it hard. Normally she would have beaten them up for doing something like this but she was too tired and drained to do anything about it.

Lately she was in a very mellow, for lack of better words, mood she just couldn't get angry no matter how hard she tried! When ever she did she would shout three words out the most then would have to stop and sit down out of exhaustion.

"-and for desert we can have chocolate cake with whip cream and strawberries dipped in chocolate on top, lots of ice cream! Vanilla and chocolate and strawberry and fudge and caramel and you could make your special dessert too!" Tyson finally finished.

The others where either looking away in disgust but secretly wanting it, staring wide eyed at how mad kai was and how stupid Tyson and daichi were or drooling all over the flour.

Hilary looked at kai who gave a slight nod trying to suppress his anger, and failing miserably.

"Okay" she said in a quite voice and headed of to the kitchen to start cooking dinner for everyone. The others finally made it out side and started there training.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Hilary was in the kitchen preparing some food when she slipped, she closed her eyes waiting to fall by felt two strong hands grab her waist and stop her from falling. She was as light as a feather; it was nothing to place her back on her feet. She gasped as she was suddenly spun around she parted her lips to speck but they were silenced when another pair came crashing in to hers.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Tear: okay boys and girls (well mainly girls) im going to leave it there! I've added some romance to spice things up even though it wasn't in the true story (sob) oh well R&R please!


	7. Chapter 7

hey everyone! Im sorry for another long update! But I've just been busy lately! I mean busy as In staying up all night and finally falling asleep on the keyboard and waking up 2 hours later to go to school! Well enough whining on with the story!

Bob: tear-drowned-angel dose not own beyblade or any of its characters!

Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers!

Dark Ally

Lioness of fire

EMBER

Kaisgirl510

Ray-tigger-cat

And to all the people who simply read my story! I love ya all! Oh and kai may be a little OOC.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Previously 

She was as light as a feather; it was nothing to place her back on her feet. She gasped as she was suddenly spun around she parted her lips to speck but they were silenced when another pair came crashing in to hers.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

They stayed like that for a few minutes, when they finally parted breathing hard from lack of oxygen. They lay there foreheads together, too afraid to open there eyes.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

(AN: sorry but ya going to have to wait a bit longer to find out! MWHAHAHAHAH!)

All the teams were practicing out side practicing, they had paired of and were battling 2 against 2, but some were just watching. Ray and Lee had finished battling there opponents, Max and Rick, and were taking a break, when he noticed someone was missing.

'but who?' he thought. He scanned his surroundings a little longer and found his answer. He smirked.

"What?" lee asked confused. Rays smirk grew to about twice the size it was before.

"Something that's should have happened a long time ago" (AN: yeah I know its so cliché!)

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

After getting her breath back she opened her eyes to find out the identity of her saviour, her breath hitched. There he was, resting his forehead against hers. Kai. he opened his eyes and stared deeply in to her eyes and pulled away. They stood in a comfortable silence until hilary broke it.

"I should start dinner" she said just barley above a whisper and turned to leave but was stopped dead in her tracks by a kai gripping her wrist tightly and pulled her to him.

"About what you said before, you are perfect, perfect in your own way. You're not fat and you're not ugly. I don't know who's been filling your head with this crap but its not true, not in the slightest. I love you just the way you are. You may not be perfect to some one else, but your perfect to me. There is not point in putting your self through so much pain just to please some one else. If they cant like you for who you are then there not worth having you in there life. You do realise that your slowly killing your self, not just physically, but also emotionally. So please…. Stop."

And with those words he turned and walked out the back door and went back to training while hilary started cooking.

'_your right kai. that was a stupid thing to do, but im going to try. Im going to change. Im going to be myself and not what everyone else wants me to be. And you never know, maybe the pain will go away'_

At these thoughts she smiled and set the table and everyone began to eat, Hilary included.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Tear: well there you go. That's how I found out that there's no such thing as perfection, and you should be your self and if some one doesn't like it than screw them! I hope I've helped people who are going through the same thing and wish them all the luck in the world and if anyone feels that they need to talk to someone but cant or feels over whelmed sent me an email. Im here for you.

Tear-drowned-angel XXX


End file.
